she said what?

strange new addiction.

2010-08-19T22:47:00.003-04:00

If you look at me, you can probably tell that I've been suffering from body image issues my entire life. The strange part is that I've always been obsessed with health books and magazines, and I read cookbooks like they're bestsellers. So, it's not like I don't know how to feed myself the most nutritional meals. I guess my real problem is that I never cared to do the exercising part. That is, until now.

It's a good feeling to exercise, but I think it's gotten to the point where it's a sick obsession. If I miss a workout, I find myself feeling slightly guilty and I notice that I'll start making plans for my workout that is scheduled for the next day. Maybe it's not a bad thing? I really don't know.

I do know that I didn't workout today, and right now at this very moment, I'm trying not to think about how to make it up tomorrow.

All I really want is to be healthy...and to be able to wear cute/nice clothes again. I miss looking like a girly girl, not that I was ever a girly girl, but you know what I mean.

big house red.

2010-07-30T21:04:00.003-04:00

I probably shouldn't ever be allowed to drink a bottle of wine all on my own. It's a good feeling though. It's not very often I get to sit on my couch alone, drink wine and watch teen dramas.

Some very big things will be happening in the print shop in the next few weeks. It's almost unbelievable. It's exciting. And it's definitely something that's been a long time coming. I cannot wait!

nearly three years later.

2010-06-21T18:42:00.008-04:00

For starters, a broad overview of my past few years looks something like this:

1.) I finally got the balls to quit my job (which, don't get me wrong, was awesome and I've learned so much from possibly the most talented bunch of people I've ever encountered.)
2.) I started working on my own print/design business and it continues to do very well.
3.) My dad died.
4.) I packed up my life, moved back to Louisiana and purchased an old hardware store.
5.) I had a baby.

On a scale of awesomeness, four out of five isn't so bad.

It's interesting living in Louisiana again. I remember I told myself that I'd never move back. But really, statistics show that most people live within 50 miles of where they grew up. I'm part of that statistic now.

There are many things that I miss about living in Philadelphia, but when I think about it, I was actually growing tired of living in the city. Everyone just seemed so beat down and hard. Maybe that was just the people in my neighborhood. But I'd say my neighborhood was a good example of what 90% of Philadelphia really is...hard. I suppose the tragedy that brought me back South saved me from becoming even more beat down.

After nearly 10 years of living in the great Northeast, you can still feel the racial tension that is very much present here in the South. We live in what many people openly refer to as "the black part of town," or my favorite, "nigger town." It makes me uncomfortable when people assume that I'm as racist as they are. I just thought that as a society, we had moved on.

It's actually a double-edged sword because not only is there blatant racism, there is obvious classism. Because we live in the big building in the poor neighborhood, some of our neighbors think we're "millionaires." Little do they know that right now, I literally only have five dollars in my bank account. I don't like the fact that people have attempted to break into our building because they assume we have riches. And I especially don't like the fact that we are armed because of classism. I have nothing against firearms for sport, but the fact that these guns are for protection is unsettling.

Now that I have a little one to worry about, I suppose I'd rather be armed than left defenseless. I think a rifle will be coming into the collection soon...you know, for when sniper shots need to be taken from the rooftop should there be apocalyptic zombies roaming town. From what I learned in movies, shotgun shells and handgun rounds definitely need to be conserved for close range.

an update to an absent year.

2007-09-22T16:17:00.000-04:00

It's funny how time manages to just drift away. I think I may have forgotten how to write in that year of absence. But I suppose it's like riding a bicycle - you never really forget how it's done.

So, I'm still here in sunny Philadelphia. I've moved out into the far reaches of Kensington...and not the "nice" part of Kensington either. I mean, it is nice for what it is. The house is rather pleasant with a cute front yard and a huge back yard, and the neighbors are friendly. The reputation of the neighbor is the only thing that is not so nice. When I tell people where I live, they always give me that look, which usually consists of wide eyes, raised eyebrows and tight lips...and then I have to explain that "it's not as bad as people make it out to be." But I will admit that late at night when I'm unlocking my front door, I almost always look over my shoulder...you know, just to make sure I shut the front gate.

It's nice though. I get to rent an entire house for less than my previous one-bedroom apartment. And I'm closer to my workshop. Yes, I have a workshop in an old textile factory. In this workshop, I print things with old letterpress machinery.

You know how I was always looking for that "thing?" Yeah, well, I think I may have found it. I like to print things the old-fashioned way. It's not to say that my entrepreneurial endeavor is the one and only "thing" that makes my life fulfilling - in fact, I think there are more things that have yet to cross my path.

nothing new, really.

2006-04-09T11:02:00.000-04:00

Same old, same old.

I've had plenty of adventures since the last time I wrote here, many of which are quite dear to me.

Still trying to figure stuff out? Of course, when am I not?

end of the year, again.

2005-12-25T12:20:00.000-05:00

Here is my holiday haiku:

Hello, Mr. Blender
The sky is quite dreary now
Christmas is lovely.

I am spending my holiday here in Philadelphia with myself and my friends. I have next week off from work, and I have no idea what I will do with myself during this week, but I know I'll enjoy myself.

Here's to the end of the year! Hear hear. Cheers.

wishing there was more.

2005-11-27T20:34:00.000-05:00

My holiday weekend didn't turn out the way I was hoping it'd turn out. But you know the old saying: don't count your chickens before they hatch. At least I got to eat a little turkey at Katherine's mom's house in Jersey and I got to spend the weekend with my cat and dog...they are my immediate family.
Anyway. Nothing special has been going on. There's work, which is going as well as it can be going right now. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about where I want my career to go. The thing is, it can't really go anywhere until I have money saved up to start up my ideas. Meh. It's nice to think about the future, but at the same time it's a bad thing to do.
I get a week off for Christmas. I don't know what to do with it. I don't really know if I want to visit home in Louisiana. I'd love to see my parents, but I'd rather save the money that I would be spending on a plane ticket for my future plans.
It's cold in my apartment. The heat is regulated by the landlord, and right now, it's not up very high. At least it beats the Trinity where the heat just never worked.

super undercover girl.

2005-11-06T00:42:00.000-05:00

pumpkins
Originally uploaded by cheersfortrout.

It's almost hard for me to believe that I let an entire month slip by without so much as one sentence to account for the time that has passed.
Well, to recap: October was a pleasant month. I have been at my job for over a month and it's good to me. But unfortunately, the days are getting shorter and the weekend weather is always a gamble. All my spare time goes by rather quickly.
What's funny is that Roxanne moved to Philadelphia not that long ago – less than two weeks ago, and I haven't had the time to go see her. She lives way down in south south south Philly. I shall see about visiting her tomorrow.

The person who lives above me is having sex right now. I hate how I'm a sound voyeur at this moment. It's not like I can help it. I mean, I guess I could turn up my music but then it wouldn't be this comfortable level which it is at currently. This is actually the second time I've heard them banging up there. It's strangely a combination of uncomfortable and intriguing. You start to wonder if you sound like that girl up there. You realize that when it's not you making those sounds, it's really annoying. And like now, in the less-than-two minutes that it took me to type that out, you wonder if he came too soon because all the noise has ceased.

I'm at a nice point right now. Are there things I would've done differently?...yeah, absolutely. But then I wouldn't be where I'm at today. I would've done a lot of things differently, but there's absolutely no point in thinking of what could/should/would've happened. The only thing to do is to continue making it up as you go along, eh? Eh.

this is the time and place.

2005-09-28T17:33:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is my last day at Smith & Hawken before I start my new job. So yes, the second interview went well. Quite well. I start on the 3rd of October. I am excited. A little scared, but excited nonetheless.

Philadelphia makes me smile. Today was one of those days that made me appreciate where I live. The places I go are the places that are forever burned into my memory...and the fun I have while I'm there is a feeling I'd hate to never have again. And it's amazing how your mode of transportation gives you different impressions of the same area. Riding your bike, walking, and driving down the same street is three different experiences. The whole city is that way. I guess any place is that way. All I know is that I like it.

I renewed my Free Library of Philadelphia card. That library is the neatest. I've always wanted to be a librarian. What's even better is that my official title at my new job is: Library Graphics Assistant. Neat, huh?

rainy day writer.

2005-09-14T15:27:00.000-04:00

As the title suggests, it's been raining since I woke up close to eleven a.m. Alison and I had planned to hang out, but the rain killed that. She woke up hella late anyway.

I've just been sitting here responding to emails, drinking coffee, watching Aqua Teen, and dicking around online...all whilest still in my pj's. Lazy rain days are the best. I'm so glad that today is my day off.

So things are looking up with the whole career front. I'm in the midst of working on new freelance offers, and I also had my second interview with the landscape architecture and design firm. Hopefully within the next few weeks I'll be able to quit the retail working world gracefully. I love the idea of having an office job and getting my weekends back for adventures with my friends.

My vacation home to Louisiana was nice. That's all that I can say to describe it. I enjoyed my time there.

I finally got a new couch on Monday. It's extremely nice. I never imagined myself with a nice couch...well, I have, but I never expected to actually own one. It was such a steal, too!

I'm boring.

lung and wiener hype.

2005-08-28T20:19:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I got to bum a few smokes off of someone I wish I could see more often. Let me just say that it was pure pleasure. Camel, pleasure to burn. That slogan doesn't kid. I know why I quit, and that would be because I can't afford to pay for that habit anymore. It's not because I know it's bad for me, and because all my friends and my mother hate it...it is purely out of the fact that I'm broke. Plain and simple. And if I hit the lottery tomorrow, you're damn right the first thing I'd buy would be a carton of smokes. But I don't play the lottery, so there.

All I really want to say is that I enjoyed my yesterday. Oh, and that on my way home from work I passed the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. Rock! That's the second time in my life that I've seen one of those Wienermobiles...and each time I had this rush of extreme silliness go through my body. Ha. Pure happiness comes from a giant wiener on wheels.

clips of a conversation.

2005-08-24T12:11:00.000-04:00

I just sent Katherine an email, and I realized that it seems like something I would normally write here, so here's what I wrote her this morning:

Holy crap...it's a nice day today. If there's one thing I love about living here at my new place, it's the fact that I can wake up in the morning, make some coffee on my way to the bathroom and then step outside to water and sit with my plants while getting my recommended daily ten minutes in the sun so my body can produce its vitamin D. Life is good.

For the past two days, I've been really thinking about cigarettes. Mind you, I haven't had one in a little over two months, maybe close to three...I dunno, it's been a while that's all I know. I'm starting to jones. I keep trying to occupy my time so I don't think about it, but every time I'm idle which is often, all I can think is, "Man it sure would be nice to have a cigarette right now." I mean, I just took a pause from writing this and I was thinking about how nice it would be for a smoke break. I was at Rite Aid last night and I was just staring at the cigarette wall with envy. I'm beginning to not feel right about myself...like I'm a farce. But at the same time, I know it's for the better that I don't smoke. Sigh...why can't they just sell single cigarettes? Just one, that's all I need to remind me of how good and bad they are.

Dude, last night, I couldn't sleep because I had the worst stomach pains, and I was thinking about your ulcers and how your pains when you get them are probably like five times as bad...and so, I feel for you cause that was terrible. I was up until like 4 a.m.

I just felt like shooting the shit. Have an awesome day!

See, I told you so.

all the while, she is still doing fine.

2005-08-15T12:48:00.000-04:00

For awhile there, I myself, thought that I was dead. I've been working assloads of hours, and I really don't have much to show for it. I guess having your bills paid is something, but it's really nothing. I find it silly that we work just so we can live. There is absolutely no time to enjoy anything...well, there is but it's limited – a few hours here and there.

So, the new place on Wallace St. is great. I love it so much. On my days off I get to tinker around out on my patio, pulling weeds and planting seeds. It's nice out here. I'm in the city, but it feels like I'm out in the suburbs, because at night there's no annoying city sounds like the d-bags blaring their car systems, or the crotch-rocket gangs revving out to South St. This is the life.

At the beginning of September, I'm going to Louisiana to visit the parents. Billie and Patrick are coming also, so the whole family will be there. Since we're flying into Houston, and since Liz lives there, my dad made her by tickets for the game that weekend. We're all going to the Astros vs. Cardinals game on the 3rd. My mom hates baseball and she gets so bored at games. Oh well, I plan to down a few good too many beers with Billie and Pat, and my dad. It'll be good fun.

The library assistant position is still happening; not immediately, but it's happening. Nice, eh? My plan is this: work in the library, and then infiltrate the graphic design department since they only have two graphic designers.

Despite the fact that I barely make enough money to get by, I've been enjoying my life. Rusty and a few others have said that 23 was a bad age for them. I'm not them. My 23 is alright.

moving at high speeds.

2005-07-29T10:52:00.000-04:00

I pick up my lease and keys today. Nice. Unfortunately, I'm scheduled to work everyday this weekend, including today so I'm going to have to move during the evenings. At least it won't be ass sweatingly hot during the moves. I'm so excited! Nothing's better than moving into a new space.

The interview on Wednesday went okay. I was actually a bit nervous. And I was all sweaty and flustered from the 105º temperature outside that day. But I gave it my best effort, and we'll just see where that goes. I even followed-up with a thank you letter...how professional of me.

Next week, I'm picking up all these extra hours at S&H because everyone is going on vacation. I don't mind because I can use the money. I believe the cattiness involving me has blown over. Awesome. I don't like that petty mess.

Man, I really want coffee and a squagel from Cosi but it's past eleven o'clock and they stop serving breakfast then. Bummer.

easy on the drama.

2005-07-25T12:20:00.000-04:00

I need to get out of working in retail. The bullshit catty internal drama that I was trying to avoid has caught up to me. Rumor has it that I'm the next one that "needs to go." Dude, all I can say to that is — bullshit. So I'm hoping that my interview on Wednesday goes well. It used to be, "I need a second job"...now it's more like, "I need a new job."

So this is my last week at the Trinity. I'm moving to Fairmount! By the way, I now hate Society Hill because some douchebag stole one of my bikes, and yesterday after a shitty day in retail sales, I found that someone stole two of my plants...one of them being my best calla lily. Fuck you, asshole. All I know is that you'd better fucking take care of that plant.

morning of woe.

2005-07-21T07:42:00.000-04:00

I keep waking up from my sleep with multiple mosquito bites on my body. This morning it was so bad that I woke up 2 hours before my alarm clock was scheduled to go off. Sometimes when I wake up too early, I get this terrible morning sickness feeling in my stomach. Even if I eat something, I still feel sick. I can't imagine what pregnant morning sickness feels like...well, I can imagine, I'm just saying I wouldn't want to feel that shitty every morning. And while we're on the subject – why do women get morning sickness when they're pregnant?...I never understood that concept.

Yeah, so mosquito bites. They were huge this morning. They were like whelts. I counted 14. It's terrible.

Sometime in the next ten days, I'll be moving in my new apartment. !!!. I'm soooo stoked. I honestly haven't started packing shit. I packed some clothes away, and that's about it. I hope to throw a buch of shit out. This busted ass couch...yeah, I'm leaving that on the curb. It was free. And it is busted.

I'm just killing time. I have to leave for work in about 30 minutes. It's going to be a long day...I can already tell. Honestly, I don't feel like helping customers today. I hope it's a slow day at the mall.

I also applied to for an Architectural Library Assistant job on Tuesday. Yesterday I got an email from the Librarian saying thanks for sending my resume to be considered, she's pre-screening applicants before she hands out interviews, and to call her at my earliest convenience. So I call yesterday and go figure, she's not in the office that day. The receptionist forwarded me to her voicemail and so I did that. At least she'll know that I tried to call at my earliest convenience.

O, I still feel sick. Sucks.

give it a day.

2005-07-17T00:07:00.000-04:00

It's hot and muggy. I was talking to Rusty and he said, "Oh that's right, you haven't been home to Louisiana in two summers...girl, I think you forgot how hot and humid it is down here in the South."

He's right – I have forgotten. Sigh. I want to go home for a visit. I'm considering moving back in a couple of years. I told my mom that I'm thinking about it, but I'm not certain. We'll see. If I do move back, it's basically saying that I'm a failure. And that's what I'm afraid of.

So Friday night Katherine, Allen and myself went to dinner and a movie. I'm in love with Abner's BBQ. I swear that I haven't had BBQ that authentic on this side of the Mason Dixon Line in like...ever. Everything was delicious. It reminded me of being down South, and it made me feel like there was hope for the future.

We saw Wedding Crashers. Funny stuff. It's nice to laugh out loud at something that's genuinely funny.

I just ordered some Earth shoes with Negative Heel Technology. They're so cute. I can't wait to get them.

it should be confessed.

2005-07-14T00:46:00.000-04:00

I want to draw but I don't know what to draw. I have my pencils and a sketchbook on my lap at this very moment.

Alison and I went to Eastern State Penitentiary today. I forgot my camera's battery on the charger and I wanted so badly to teleport.

I've been having trouble sleeping. I don't know if it's the balmy weather, or what.

Pavement is still the greatest band of the nineties. Sonic Youth doesn't really count because they came about during the last stretch of the eighties.

I haven't gone grocery shopping in about two weeks. This forces me to use ingredients in my freezer and cupboard.

Every now and then, I feel guilty of depriving my cat of the outdoors. I'm surprised that this former street kitty likes me.

I've been missing my parents a lot lately. I miss Liz, Billie and the family pets, too.

I broke my glasses while I was trying to fix them. I hate my backup pair that I got for free so I've been wearing my contacts almost everyday.

I haven't smoked a cigarette in over a month now. I told my mom that I quit and I tell everyone else that too, but every so often I get the urge to quit quitting.

Sometimes I fear that someone I know, or knew with will see me working in retail. I'm afraid of being thought of as a failure in the eyes of others.

Sometimes I wish that someone I know, or knew will see me working in retail. I'm dying to explain to them my personal theory on happiness.

I still believe in the Renaissance. My mom said to me on the phone last night to try anything and that makes me feel good.

The light bulb in my kitchen blew out yesterday. I don't think I'm going to change the bulb because I'm moving soon.

I've been riding buses in the city every now and then to reach certain destinations. It gives me the feeling of participating and belonging but also, it makes me feel out of place.

I hate that I don't really have much say these days. I hate that when I do say something, it never comes out right.

These days, I don't really know what's important anymore. Somehow, self-interest always seems to prevail over national-interest.

I can't stand to watch the news anymore. I only watch it for the local weather but I usually can't bare to sit through all the build up in order to get to the weather, so I always end up changing immediately to the weather channel.

All my life I've had a routine with school and its related work. After a year of not being in school and not having a steady job, I feel insanely empty with not knowing what to expect from day to day.

I like to use a lot of punctuation throughout sentences. I really don't remember all the grammatical rules because I didn't really pay attention in 9th grade grammar; I still do it anyway.

I don't really like looking people in the eyes. Wearing glasses is almost like a security blanket.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would've been like had I been born a male. I envision that I would've been one of those awkward boys who fumbles with girls' under-garments and wishes he were suave.

Boys and girls that dress "emo" are starting to intimidate me and I'm not sure why. I think it's because their outward appearance gives off an air of being vain and shrewd: two characteristics that turn me off like nothing else.

I smile and I laugh a lot even though most of the time I have nothing to smile and laugh about. This somehow gives people the impression that I'm pleasant.

Gyro sandwiches are delicious. I can't even count how many I've had in the past two weeks.

I like to say that everything will turn out alright in the end. The end is inevitable and I have no idea what to do about it.

bring it all down.

2005-07-12T16:36:00.000-04:00

I went and had dinner at Felicia's place last night. Afterwards, we went for a walk to check out my new apartment. I wanted to see if that guy moved out yet. I went around back, and to my surprise, someone had cleaned up all the weeds in the backyard. I saw lights on in the windows, so I assume that there is someone still in there. Oddly, I was happy and sad about the weeds at the same time. I kinda wanted to clean it up myself because it'd be something to do, but it's nice that they cleaned it up for me. I told the realtors that I had a lot of plants, so maybe they told the maintenance crew to clean up for me, which was nice of them.

You know, good things do come to those that wait...my free cable is back on. My neighbor is paying for it, and she has no idea that her cable wire that runs through my end of the basement is hooked up to a splitter. Score. Now I have television for the last few weeks that I'm here and I won't be entirely bored.

she likes pretty explosions.

2005-07-05T20:09:00.000-04:00

So, my weekend was nice. All plans were just made up along the way. I felt as if I accomplished something altough I really did nothing...okay I'm lying, I did a lot despite the fact that I had to work on Saturday and Sunday. Friday I caught the Strawberry Mansion bridge fireworks display from Ridge Ave. I didn't go to Live 8 on Saturday because I had to work, but it's not like I wanted to go in the first place. I took Septa to work so I wouldn't lose my parking spot during the busy weekend. On the bus ride home that day, it was nuts to see so many clam-baked pedestrians on the streets. I couldn't imagine living in a place like Tokyo...that many pedestrians is intimidating. When I finally got home, I found this Cheap Trick promotional album at Philadelphia Record Exchange. Man, I love their early shit from the mid to late seventies. Too stoked about that. After that, and getting dinner at the Midtown Diner, the fireworks at the Pier were starting...we raced down Walnut on bikes, watching the show as it happened and we got to the river in time to look up at the sky with awe. Sunday, nothing much went on. Just worked and came home and helped out with some freelance inspiration. Monday night after a busy day of fun goodness, Felicia and I went to check out the last of the parade, and we stuck around for the Freedom Concert and the fireworks. "Is that Wayne Brady hosting this shit?" You know what was thinking: "Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?" I didn't know Rufus Wainright would be there to perform, so that was a nice surprise.

Count that. That's three, yes three grand fireworks displays. Pretty explosions never get old.

Today, Alison and I were going to go to Eastern State Penitentiary because she has free admissions tickets. We decided we'd walk. Yeah, that was a long walk. When we got to the gate and she handed me a ticket from her bag, I said, "Wait, this says free on Wednesdays thru Saturdays." D'oh! After all of that walking in the heat, she said she'd pay for us to go in. It was closed. D'oh! We hopped on the 48 bus to 2nd St. and went to the South St. Diner and after that, we went to the Ritz East to watch Howl's Moving Castle. It was the subtitled version...and afterwards about six people out of the handful of people in the theatre complained "that on the website it said the dubbed version would be playing." What a bunch of jackasses. The manager was going to give them a free movie pass. And Alison and I stated the ridiculousness of it, and left feeling statisfied that it wasn't the dubbed version of the film. Today was a good day. I thank Alison for coming into to the city today to hang out. I had fun.

I actually have from Monday thru Friday off from work. But, I told my manager I'd gladly fill in tomorrow. It's not like I have anything else to do.

give her a studio!

2005-06-29T16:47:00.000-04:00

What I said to myself this morning: "Holy shit!...he's hot!"
My landlord is sexy. This was the first time I've ever met him in the past year. And you know, I always called him a dick because he never answered his phone and because he always took forever to return my calls...but wow, he was an extremely nice guy. Had I known he was sexy, I would've renewed my lease. Just kidding.

And you know what...I really should be getting paid as a designer, or at least have my own studio. From 8am to 2pm today, I designed an invite for Katherine's wedding. And I love it...that's what my wedding invite should look like. But I'm not getting married, so oh well. I'm so good it fucking hurts! Ha.

Sigh. I'm beat. But at the same time, I'm really not. I think I'm just bored. I wanna go out and see a movie, but no one will come along with me. Lame.

What?!...Roxanne's moving back to Virginia?! At the end of this week?! Hooray! I miss me some Roxanne.

stiff as a bored.

2005-06-28T21:47:00.000-04:00

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Leslie Graham.
Birthday:	June the eleventh...'eighty-two.
Birthplace:	Warner Robbins, Georgia.
Current Location:	Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
Eye Color:	Brown.
Hair Color:	Three shades of brown.
Height:	Five foot, eight.
Right Handed or Left Handed:	The right way.
Your Heritage:	CaucAsian. Texas and Thailand.
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Green, orange and white 1984 Converse Re-Issues.
Your Weakness:	Being too nice for my own good.
Your Fears:	Being a failure.
Your Perfect Pizza:	White pepperoni pizza...and don't forget the fucking ricotta.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Put my college degree to use.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	"...indeed."
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Whatever story is being covered on WHYY Radio, since my alarm is set to that station.
Your Best Physical Feature:	I'm going to have to go with my smile.
Your Bedtime:	Varies. It all depends on how tired I am. But usually it's lights out somewhere in between 8pm and 2am.
Your Most Missed Memory:	Driving and riding around with the gang.
Pepsi or Coke:	Dr. Pepper.
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Wendy's.
Single or Group Dates:	Group date?...I don't think I've done that. Obviously single...because if I'm interested, I'd take my date back to my place, duh.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	I brew my own tea. Bottled tea is too grossly sweet. I'm deliciously bitter.
Chocolate or Vanilla:	How about a little bit of both.
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Coffee, with sugar and cream.
Do you Smoke:	Sort of. Kind of. Used to?
Do you Swear:	When necessary.
Do you Sing:	In my car...when I'm "swinging my heavy metal hair, woo woo woo."
Do you Shower Daily:	I try to. And if not, then certainly every other day.
Have you Been in Love:	I think so. Of course with someone who didn't want a relationship...go figure.
Do you want to go to College:	Already drove that road. Next.
Do you want to get Married:	It's a nice idea.
Do you belive in yourself:	You spell that: b-e-l-i-e-v-e...believe. And yeah, I do, but sometimes not enough.
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Most definitely on rollercoasters. Dramamine is my friend for trips to amusement parks.
Do you think you are Attractive:	I'd do me.
Are you a Health Freak:	Not really.
Do you get along with your Parents:	Yes, as a matter of fact I do. And I'm thankful for that.
Do you like Thunderstorms:	I do. I like to pretend the gods are getting their anger out, because afterwards, it's always nice and calm.
Do you play an Instrument:	No, but I own a couple.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Surprisingly, I only had a few drinks this past month. It was only beers, so that doesn't really count.
In the past month have you Smoked:	I think my last cigarette was three weeks ago.
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Nah, it's been over a month since I've last done anything illegal.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Sort of.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Bitch, I work in a mall...get the fuck outta here.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	That's unheard of. I had an Oreo Blizzard from the DQ on Friday.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Mmm, yeah, a couple of weeks ago I had it three days in a row for lunch.
In the past month have you been on Stage:	Dumb question. Next.
In the past month have you been Dumped:	I take dumps.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No, but I'd like to.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Ummm...I don't think so.
Ever been Drunk:	Ha. No comment.
Ever been called a Tease:	Ummm...yeah, actually I have.
Ever been Beaten up:	I'm too tough for that.
Ever Shoplifted:	Bunches.
How do you want to Die:	Nobly.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	I want to be everything.
What country would you most like to Visit:	I hear Italy is nice.
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	Blue and green.
Favourite Hair Color:	Browns and Sexy Matt's dirty blonde color.
Short or Long Hair:	Short and medium are always nice to run your fingers thru.
Height:	Taller than me.
Weight:	Strong enough to manhandle me.
Best Clothing Style:	Themselves.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	No comment. Next.
Number of CDs I own:	Bunches. But I don't listen to them anymore. I'm totally digital.
Number of Piercings:	Two sets of two.
Number of Tattoos:	None.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	"I do not regret the things that I've done, but those that I did not do."
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

the days get shorter.

2005-06-27T14:54:00.000-04:00

Meh. I need to do this freelance work that I promised I'd do. Pro-bono. I need the portfolio piece. According to my deadline, I only have three more days but seeing as how my client is my best friend, I'm sure she'd understand.

I'm so preoccupied with moving next month. Last night I packed away most of my clothes that I don't wear regularly. Yeah, I have a shit load of clothes, most of it being really, really nice. What sucks is that I never wear them anymore because my weight fluctuates. I can wear one outfit once, and then maybe never wear again until months later...if at all. All that's left in my closet is a bunch of jeans, the shirts I wear for work and the few shirts I wear when I'm not at work.

I just want to burn everything that I own! I hate looking at the shit that I've acquired.

The Trinity needs to be cleaned so my landlord's realtor can show my apartment to prospective tenants. Meanwhile, I have milk crates full of books in my living room and boxes of clothes in my bedroom. Ugh. It's raining, and I sure as hell am not putting anything down in the basement. They're just going to have to deal with the boxes and shit.

On Friday I went to dinner with Felicia, Katherine and Allen for mine and Katherine's joint birthday dinner. Felicia bought us flowers. We both got a bouquet of colors that fit our personalities. This was actually the first time I've ever received flowers. I must say that getting flowers really does make you smile and feel nice inside. It's a good feeling.

lovely
Originally uploaded by cheersfortrout.

tangent go offs.

2005-06-22T23:15:00.000-04:00

I lost one of my ear plugs to my shower drain, so for a while there, I was walking around with empty holes in my lobes. I didn't feel like grossing people out any more than I already had (even though I myself did/do not find my earring-less lobes offensive in any way because the holes are small...like the size of a round Bic ball point pen) so I put in a pair of older, and smaller gauge jewelry. So now, since they're not a nice tight fit against my skin, my right ear is in a perpetual state of crustiness because the earring just moves around a lot, somehow causing irritation. It's annoying.

My new lease was signed this afternoon. Yip yip! I also called my current landlord, and informed his voicemail of my situation. He left a message on mine, which was two minutes and thirteen seconds long, saying that the rent was going to be hiked up and something about the gas...blah, blah, blah...it was a painfully long, monotonous message. I sure am glad I was taking a nap when he called because it would've been worse having to actually converse with him. Nice guy, though.

Smith & Hawken writes off a shit load of products. Yesterday I took home a trash bag full of perfectly fine plants. Okay, they were a little busted. I repotted them all and hopefully they'll recover from the horror of living in a retail environment. I'm sure they will.
It was brought to my attention that I should start a small gardening company, the premise being I help rich people take care of their plants and use my design skills for small, city indoor/outdoor gardens. I don't really think that'd fly, because it really doesn't take a rocket scientist to take care of a plant, and they have landscaping designers to do design work. I do have the ability to bring a nearly dead plant back to healthy living...that's cause I'm good like that. It was a cute idea.

I feel a bit like a sell-out. What the fuck happened to graphic design? I still love creating graphic art, but I have no desire to work in a commodity driven studio. I hate marketing and advertising, too. I don't know what to do. It's not like I can just open up a studio of my own. I mean...I could, but I'd need clients that inspire me. Fuck it. I'll get back on that career path eventually.

My mom just tells me to do whatever makes me happy. I'm trying.

better when she wakes.

2005-06-19T10:04:00.000-04:00

When I have an eight hour shift, I'm a bit cranky when I finally get home. I apologize to those who get caught in the crossfire.

I got that apartment on Wallace St! My realtors said that the other guy called shortly after I did. Nice...I totally snagged it out from under him. So, I'm moving during the last week of July. Too fucking rad. You have no idea how excited I am about that patio. I'll have a place for all of my plants. I'll have a place to grow more plants. I'll be able to bbq. O, the possibilities!

The only bad part is trying to move out of the Trinity. It'll be nice and sweaty. So not looking forward to trying to get my bed off the third floor.

I wish to be in Santa Barbara. Lucky.

Some people make me miss them badly. And I do. Tough guys, mean girls, queer boys...they know who they are.

The congregation at the Mother Bethel Church is on fire this morning. I can hear them through my window; clapping, stomping and shouting for the Lord.

busted up.

2005-06-16T03:42:00.000-04:00

busted
Originally uploaded by cheersfortrout.

Mmmm...it looks delicious. And it's worse in natural lighting.
That toilet bowl plunger's saucer is so aristocratically bourgeois.

Oh, I want that apartment on Wallace St. It totally has a private patio. I'm going to the bank when they open, and calling the realtor asap because two other people viewed it with me, and one of the guys was really eager about it. No one deserves that patio more than me, because I'll turn it into a beautiful garden area. The heat is on!

be what may.

2005-06-15T11:41:00.000-04:00

I've decided, once again, that I shall move out of the Trinity. It's a little saddening, but a year of vertical living is plenty. I'm going back to flats. This is what I'll miss: my own front door, the personal washer/dryer, rooftop affairs and last but not least, my neighborhood.

Because the Trinity is having plumbing problems, my basement is damp as hell and I've been trying to save some documents I had stored down there from getting gross and mildewy. I found this written in one of my legal pads from college:

"Cause we're never going to understand her. And that's going to piss off a lot of people. Especially me. And I am her."

I'm viewing an apartment in the Art Museum area today. I don't know how I feel about that area. It's too distant. I like how I'm able to step out of my apartment, pick any direction and have so many store and restaurant options to choose from. Who knows, maybe it's not so terribly bad over there. I mean, Felicia lives there.

Yesterday in the early evening, I fell off my bicycle on a busy street. A taxi cab nearly sideswiped me and I crash landed on the sidewalk. My left knee is all bruised up. At least I didn't fall under the wheels of a car...cause it's not like I have health insurance.

Where the hell is Alison? Alison, what the hell?! I tried calling you on Monday. Is everything okay?

two...three...put it together now.

2005-06-11T18:36:00.000-04:00

It's my birthday today. I'm twenty-three now. When I looked in the mirror last night, it's crazy to think that over the course of a year, I actually look older. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. I think I just look tired.
Twenty-two wasn't a bad year. It was overwhelming, if anything. God. It started with meeting an awesome person. And it ended with me working in retail. In between then and now, I went on a few benders, tried a couple different diets, decided that bike riding is my exercise of choice, went on a few awful dates, and became a cat lady.
The best thing that happened to me today was getting off work early, and the manager on duty giving me a mini-rose bush. It made me smile. I spent the rest of the day trying to buy a nice pair of shorts to no avail, and biking around town getting gross and sweaty. Now I'm here. Shit. I know I don't like making big deals about my birthdays...but this year for some reason, I feel like the loneliest girl in the world. Maybe it's because I don't have anyone to take me out for a Tequila Sunrise and shitloads of Coronas to follow. So it goes.

scratch my parts.

2005-06-08T16:41:00.000-04:00

A couple of guys from the realty group that leases out my apartment came over today to inspect the property at the owner's request. The owner was also supposed to call me. He never did...granted it's only like 4:44pm, still I think it's rude to call people about business after work hours. Not that I worked today, but that's beside my point.

So, it's been hot as balls this past week and a half. And when it gets hot as balls like this, the Trinity is like a sweat-box. Today, I sat down on my couch with intentions to get further along with Ayn Rand, and I just passed out. I was having these delirious states of semiconsciousness where I would open my eyes, but I couldn't move and then I'd continue with the crazy dream I was having about riding bicycles and getting lost in Philadelphia.

It's hot and I'm gross and I'm itchy.

I think I have poison ivy. I did cut back the poison ivy at Katherine's house, but I washed my hands directly after and I cleaned my Felco's, and that was like a week ago. I don't know. It looks exactly like when I had it a few year ago on my hands...and even then, I didn't touch the ivy. I think it's from my shoes. My second theory is that it's heat rash. But yeah, it's poison ivy, who am I kidding.

estately affairs.

2005-06-04T17:49:00.000-04:00

My neighbor still makes me uncomfortable. I still need blinds.

I might have to move...I'm not sure yet. I received an email from my landlord yesterday. He stated that we need to discuss some matters. If I can stay, great. If I have to leave, whatever. Hopefully, it's nothing terrible. We shall see.

So, I was dead set on going to see Stephen Malkmus & the Jicks perform tomorrow night at the TLA, but I was informed early this afternoon that the show was sold out. Talk about lame ass. I'm a bit salty about the fact that it sold out. Maybe next time he rolls around town I'll make it.

What else? Katherine and Allen are getting a puppy on Thursday. It'll be good for them. Raising a dog together will prep them for if/when they decide to have babies.

I left work two hours early, but I was stuck in traffic for over an hour. Traffic jams usually consist of me rocking out to something thrashy and chain smoking. Today, I didn't have any cigarettes. I just thrashed out and gave the finger or laid down my horn to whomever cut me off.

Yeah. Nothing much going on. No one is in the city this weekend, so it's another lame weekend with Ayn Rand. I hope there's more sex scenes in the book...apparently, Dagny Taggart likes filthy animal sex. That's never explicitly revealed, but there is that underlying tone. Loves it.

at the drive in.

2005-06-01T11:51:00.000-04:00

The bbq at Sheila's was nice. She lives way out in the county. Small town living at its best. It was fun. We played croquet and badminton, and I ate way too much food...but it was all delicious.
When we left at around 5pm, Felicia had to pee really bad and Allen was tired, but Katherine followed my suggestion of, "Dude, let's check it out!"
It was awesome. We wanted to buy the property to fix it up. But later in the evening after researching, we found out that two guys wanted to save the drive-in back in 2002, but apparently there is a church and a beverage center on either side of the property, and they complained to the council that it would be disruptive to god and for the people trying to turn in to buy beer. The business guys couldn't get around the zoning laws, so the project was defeated. Now, as of 2005, the drive-in is subject to become a housing development.
You know, it makes me angry when developers destroy history. Why can't people just buy an old house and fix it up? Is it totally necessary to build a shitty McMansion?
I am reminded of the documentary series narrated by Ed Norton, Strange Days on Planet Earth. I think that the series should be mandatorily worked into school curricula.

(sigh.) It really does make me upset. Look at that solid structure. Look at what we're losing.

at the drive in
Originally uploaded by cheersfortrout.

There are a few more photos of the drive-in on flickr.

been let down before.

2005-05-28T20:47:00.000-04:00

Out of shear boredom, I started reading Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged. I haven't read The Fountainhead but it's not like I have a copy lying around at my disposal. So Atlas Shrugged it is. Surprisingly, it's actually quite enthralling. One-thousand pages?...fuck, it's not like I have a grand social life anyhow; my hours and evenings can be wasted in pages. Suits me fine.

I had this urge to go swimming today, not in a pool but in a lake. I don't really think there are any lakes around here, or at least not any to my knowledge. I tried to find out from various people whom have lived in Pennsylvania all their lives as to where I could find one, but they were of no avail.
Instead, I laid on the roof of the Trinity for a few hours – spaced out in a bikini top and shorts. I had no water, but at least I had sun. That is, before the brief thunder and rain storm that followed shortly after I decided to go in.

Memorial weekend has been pretty bogus thus far. I've been hanging out by myself. Alison did drop by on Thursday, but since it was a crappy day, we both just kind of sat around my house and read. Tomorrow I start working. And Monday, Katherine, Allen, Felicia and myself are going to Sheila's new house for a house-warming/Memorial Day bbq. She said that I could bring a guest, aka a significant other, but yeah there's not one of those to bring. Here's hoping for good weather, and plenty of ale.

what a garden hoe.

2005-05-23T19:20:00.000-04:00

I start working at S&H on Wednesday afternoon.

"Plants: they're in my blood. I was going to be a scientist." -Lady G.

skin deep.

2005-05-22T00:22:00.000-04:00

Ha. Today Katherine had a Mary Kay consultant over at her house, so her, Felicia and I got treated to facials. Nice. Okay...I bought shit from the lady, but it was totally worth it.

Later on, we dropped my car off at the shop so it could get it's much needed oil change. And then Felicia and I went to get our hair cut. My hair is too gorgeous, but that's partly because I exfoliated my scalp and deep conditioned my hair the nite before. Either way, it's hot.

Billie texted messaged me throughout the day, mainly while her and some friends were at the movies watching StarWars. She said it blew, and during a smoke break she called because it'd be quicker to tell me how terrible it is/was. She said her phone would alarm everytime she had a new text message and how it was totally pissing off some random dude sitting next to her..."ruining his experience." Ha.

Allen's nephew, Matthew told him that it looks like I lost weight. Aw. I don't think I have. They say he just wants to bone me...and I don't blame him. I kid, I kid.

linking it all together.

2005-05-18T18:05:00.000-04:00

So not having cable breeds boredom. There's only so much reading and watching movies I can stand for in a day.

Yeah, I'm bored, so why not post random links to silly shit.

•Alison's Trinity Set of Photos These were taken the same day, yesterday, when we went to the zoo. We were just hanging out at the Trinity. She likes Sherman.
•My totally bogus MySpace account This is perhaps the lamest shit ever, but oddly, I've been a part of this for months, and sadly I only have like what, 4 friends? Feel free to add me as a friend. I also have a Friendster account which is again, bogus and again I only have like what 4 friends? No link for that. Email search me there. Today was the first time I logged in after nearly 6 months of inactivity...and I really just wanted to see if it still existed. Again, feel free to add me.
•This is my portfolio site. Totally awesome?...I know. I had help with the html & flash coding, but it's my concept and design.
•Photos. This is a given, because if anyone even reads this bloggie, it's just my Flickr account, which I only have so I can occasionally post photos at she said what?
•I'm obsessed with... I spend a good few hours of my day browsing through random shit on the Philadelphia page.
•Instead of spell check... I check my spelling here. I do a lot of typing, whether it be this silly blog, random short fiction, emails, whatever...if I can't spell it right the first time around, I go here. I edit as I type, so this link is always open in it's own tab. And if someone throws out a word I don't know in an instant message, I can readily school myself. Word.
•Home Movies Sometimes when I'm bored, I'll pop over to this site and play the easiest game ever.
•God, I miss going to shows... like you wouldn't motherfuckin' believe!!! Even though I don't have money or have friends in Philadelphia who enjoy live shows, I still keep up with what's going on and if I'm lucky, I can sometimes drag someone along, although not very often. Seriously, last live show I've been to was last May...fucking sad. I hate going alone though...it's not as fun. No one really likes my musical tastes anyway, so whence I have the extra cash lying around, I may as well start going alone again.
•What's going on? I spend a lot of my time here, usually only on Thursdays when the new issue is out. I prefer to read shit online now because recycling newspapers is such a bitch. I also check the live shows here, because the above link is limited to certain venues. I like CP, better than PW, but I still read their articles, too.
•G.D.? God damn?...no, Graphic Design. I check out the happenings and read the news here just to keep myself in-touch with the G.D. world. Also, there's a link on that site which directs you to this site and there's usually some pretty interesting and geeky G.D. posts and other random links to portfolios and what not.
• Quite a Dandy.A very good friend of mine got me infatuated with this character. He is indeed whimsical. It's actually quite amazing that he exists.

Yeah, so that's about it. These are the main websites that I visit regularly. Okay, I forgot one important one – I check this at least 8 times a day. It's also my homepage because I'm obsessed with knowing the weather.
So now you know which sites I'm all about. There are handful more, but they're about as bland as Matzoh Ball soup.

Random Note: Still Standing Fast by Planes Mistaken for Stars sounds like a Loud Lucy song, and they are some old indie band from like, the mid-nineties? I was just reminded of that when it rolled over my iTunes library, and I said to myself, "wow, that sounds like Loud Lucy...I haven't heard them in years."

Bored? Of course...two posts in one day.

don't worry I'm not looking at you.

2005-05-18T11:36:00.000-04:00

Yesterday afternoon, after waking up from a night of broken cell phones, bent glasses, and bleeding vaginas, I went to the Philadelphia Zoo with Alison. She had two free tickets, and seeing as how we both had nothing important to be doing, why the hell not. I refused to pay ten dollars for parking, so I parked on 39th and Girard...hell yeah. What's the point of having free tickets if you have to pay for parking?...exactly. So we had fun...or at least I did – I can't speak for Alison, but I'm sure she had fun as well, although the picture here may suggest otherwise...but she was just giving me a pissed look for taking her picture. I explained that it was all out of love. Ha. That face is classic, Alison!

alison looks po'd
Originally uploaded by cheersfortrout.

After dropping Alison off at Market East, I had to book it to the Philadelphia Museum of Art to meet Felicia for the Dalí exhibit at 6:30 pm. I got there early, so I parked at the Azalea Garden and walked up to the west end. Azaleas, being the showy shrubs of the genus Rhododendron, come in a variety of flower color and shapes...and on this particular day, the large, lovely selection at the Philadelphia Azalea Garden were no longer in bloom. Last month was the month to be in the Garden. It was still lovely nonetheless.
I waited around for about ten minutes before I decided I'd stand in line...a yeah, it was a long ass line. After I turned the first corner of the line and was near where I had first started, I spotted Felicia, and made her cut in front of me. She didn't like the idea, but she saw things my way: "Who the hell cares?...we're all going to the same place anyway."
So, I was disappointed that we were being herded into the exhibit like cattle, but all in all, it was nice to see such a vast collection of his work. I believe his ink sketches were my favorites. I didn't really care to much for the painted versions of the initial sketches, but it was nice seeing some of them side by side to see the evolution.
It was crowded. It was hot. It was annoying having to deal with the troves of people surrounding the audio tour pieces. I personally enjoyed using their headphones for my iPod. I had my own theme music for the event. It was nice.

After that, when I found Felicia again, I drove her home to Katherine's house, since she's crashing there for about two weeks. I stopped at Wawa for a sandwich. I hadn't really eaten much all day. It was delicious. Then I drove myself home after hanging out, watching CSI and Law & Order with everyone.

It was a good day, despite being menstrual.

I can't wait to get my new cell phone that I ordered sometime in between waking up and going to the zoo.

what say you and all your friends?

2005-05-16T03:00:00.000-04:00

flea
Originally uploaded by cheersfortrout.

Felicia graduated this Sunday morning from PhilaU. She starts her new job tomorrow at some architecture firm here in Philadelphia. Katherine and I hung out with her family for a dramatic lunch, but all in all, it was a good celebration. I did get to see SMW for the last time, and I ran into Brittany and Caroline which was cool. Brit quickly caught me up on what she's been up to, and we exchanged our contact info before the future truly made us lose touch.

Katherine said this to me: "You know what's sad?...all our PhilaU ties are gone now; we have no reason to ever go back to that place now." Me: "Yeah, you're right." It is a bit depressing. Everyone's enrolled in the school of life.

I found a bicycle in the trash near Katherine's house later in the evening and Allen was kind enough to let me stash it in his trunk. I kind of scratched his car's paint job, but yeah I didn't realize it. Total accident. My bad. I gave the bike away to someone who would appreciate it.

My interview went rather well on Saturday. I believe I shall be hearing the aye or nay concerning the matter on Wednesday. So, we'll see.

Have I mentioned lately that I don't really know what I'm doing? I think about this one parallel constantly. It kills me to know that it was right around the corner.

soylent green...

2005-05-12T16:22:00.000-04:00

"...is made of PEOPLE!!" -phil hartman, SNL

Saturday I have an interview for a part-time position in sales at Smith & Hawken. I know it's not graphic design, but it's equally exciting. Why is it exciting? I'll tell you quite simply: gardening, horticulture, botany, outdoor living...it all makes me happy. It is something that I grew up with and love. Hopefully, I'll get it because I would be so stoked.

Anyways, Felicia got herself an apartment around the Art Museum area. She moves in at the beginning of June. I'm excited about that, because that means I have a good friend within the city limits. Her graduation is this Sunday, and the next day she starts her new job in the city. Nuts.

I have decided, after much bullshit that I will be renewing my lease at the Trinity. I shall sleep with the Holy Ghost further more.

Last night, I saw an old chap who made me smile.

seen it all before.

2005-05-01T23:44:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was Felicia's final thesis presentation. It was quite interesting...and to be honest, a bit boring. But all in all, it was good to see. I saw some people I haven't seen since I've left school, and also Sheila came. I feel bad that I didn't get to hang out with her more, but I'm on a tight budget and I also had a few bad personal days, so I really wouldn't have been great company. At least it was good to see her and know that she's been doing well for herself.
I'm completely over my depressed spell that I was under. It's just a way of life. I'm used to it by now, although it freaks other people out, which I hate. But oh well.
Katherine told me today that Allen proposed to her. Yay! I'm happy for her. I do enjoy a good girlie tale! I can't wait to see the ring he picked out.

Alison graced me with her company today, and that was nice. Like seriously, my week was just so shitty that it was good to see everyone and hang out with them for a bit. I also talked to both Billie and Liz, so that brightened me up. Liz got herself a new iSight camera, so yeah the one that I bought her for xmas is now hooked up to my computer. Ha...it's so ridiculously unnecessary, but it's fun to make faces in the camera. So Liz and I had an iChat video conferencing session...that was neat. Check it...

conference
Originally uploaded by cheersfortrout.

I like how I can take stills. It's fun.

three times in the back.

2005-04-29T15:04:00.000-04:00

I hate feeling awful.

I would describe it as a spider bite. Out of nowhere, I feel this sting and then slowly, or quickly I start feeling my entire body go sour. It's like every synapse in my head is sending either a pulse of anger or sorrow. And then I just shut down. I don't want to move. I can't talk. I can't do anything to help myself.

I hate having people see me like this.

sans serif.

2005-04-28T15:19:00.000-04:00

"Wow...your typography really sucks." - Leslie

I like being able to say that and not having it be an insult. It's strictly constructive.

dear, infatuation.

2005-04-26T22:19:00.000-04:00

I talked to my parents this weekend. I was just calling to see how everything's going back in Louisiana. They seem to be well, and they were glad to hear that I was well, as well.

And I talked to Liz, she's doing alright. I have yet to speak with Billie. I should call her seeing as how I missed her call yesterday. What was I doing?...I have no clue. Being a nerd I'm sure. I also spoke with Rusty earlier this evening. He and D are up to the same old antics.

It's been a slow day. I finished a new element of my portfolio that I started yesterday. It's a hand crafted hard bound book showcasing my illustration work. My craftsmanship has drastically improved. It's a nice juxtapostion of sorts.

Anyway. Yeah. That's about it as of late. Laid back days of summer are approaching, yet oddly, that's always how my entire life has seemed to have flowed. Just take 'er easy. You know.

monsoon of horns.

2005-04-24T12:08:00.000-04:00

Roxanne moved to Cheneyville. That's crazy. I'd like to go see her. Small small small small town life. I know it all too well. Rusty's moving back to New Orleans. More reason for me to frequent my visits to Louisiana. But how could I leave Philadelphia again for too long. Sometime during the summer I'll go. It'll be nice then. It is the Sportsman's Paradise.

Blah, I need a friend to smoke cigarettes with.

Wow...how did Enrique Iglesias' Addicted end up in my music library? I'm sitting here it's just like, whoa why haven't I changed this yet? Ha.

Eh it has been one rainy, miserable day in Philadelphia. Not really - miserable is a bit overdramatic in description, but you know what I mean. It kinda needed to rain, the trees are preparing their shade for us. Actually I had fun taking a nap today. Rain makes for nice nap weather. I'm all awake now.

royal navy.

2005-04-14T16:08:00.000-04:00

"Hmphf," said my head, "...I never did get my bottle of rum."
I'll be damned. That sounds delicious, and it also sounds like trouble.
And exhale.

being bored.

2005-04-12T11:37:00.000-04:00

Here's how unemployment goes:

-see daylight through windows.
-wake up.
-take a shower.
-eat breakfast or lunch, depending on what time you wake up.
-check email.
-dick around online reading various articles, blogs, job postings, etc.
-check the mail box.
-run various errands if needed.
-write various emails, mainly to Katherine.
-read various excerpts from books that are laying around.
-talk to anyone who is online.
-go for a walk or ride if extremely bored.
-read more.
-slowly watch daylight fall.
-clean apartment.
-go upstairs.
-watch television or read.
-fall asleep.

Sad?...indeed.

it was all in her head.

2005-04-06T12:39:00.000-04:00

The internal head explosion has left me feeling strangely calm. I wonder, was it really my head cleansing itself? Was my head really too full of ideas?
It scares me a little, but at the same time maybe it's a good thing. Maybe my life is heading in this new direction and I need the space for all the new ideas.
Maybe I really am just crazy. Mad genius, perhaps?

don't second guess.

2005-03-31T18:29:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I want to crash cars just for the hell of it. Of course I want to walk away unscathed. There's just something completely alluring about smashing shit up. I believe Billy Corgan once sang, "...in you feel so dirty, in you I crash cars." Yeah. I was just sitting here thinking about destruction. I like the sound of breaking glass. That is all.

Well I be damned...Terri Schiavo finally died. Here's my piece on that: it's about time, eh? I'm sure she was glad to go. I know that if I were in her position, I'd slit my own wrists if I could. It was all blown out of proportion.
Don't people realize that way back in the 19th century, by both Charles Darwin and Herbert Spencer proposed this ideology that only the fit survive? Disease and disabilities are factors in natural selection. I mean, clearly the world population is increasing like mad, and with modern advances in medical procedures and genetic alterations in crops...we pretty much have the longest life expectancy ever...so yeah, since we're basically the highest on the food chain, in order to balance out the ever increasing population, there has to be something to kill us off. We make our own natural selection factors: drugs, disease, disablity, drunk drivers...whatever. People have to die sometime, and why hang on to a life that's not contributing to society in any means?
Am I going to hell for this? Yeah, probably...if I believed in it. Ha. Too bad suckas. You know where I'm going?...to another universe, or parellel to live another life.

she said it's alright.

2005-03-27T20:13:00.000-05:00

Happy Easter. Whatever, who cares — I'm not religious and I don't really care too much for the Easter Bunny, although he does seem to always leave me loads of chocolate that I shouldn't have lying around my house. It's stashed under my butcher block, out of sight so I don't think about it. Chocolate is delicious. Almost too delicious. It makes me happy, but in excess it makes me feel gross. Hidden is my best bet.

When I was in Louisiana back in December for xmas, I went to see The Life Aquatic, and at the end of the movie in that pivotal scene where they finally find the shark, I remember almost wanting to cry because the background music was Sigur Ros. The reason: that song was one of the tracks in the Machine iTunes library, and hearing it in Louisiana made me miss Philadelphia. And hearing it right now...it makes me miss Machine.

I left my bottle of rum at Katherine's house. I shall retrieve that tomorrow night.

been a good few years.

2005-03-18T17:43:00.000-05:00

I saw Alison's animation reel. It was pretty spectacular to see her's amongst others. It was neat. I congratulate her. She's graduating next week and I'm excited for her. Yay!

Sometimes, when I walk at night, I think about everything that's happened, and I always wonder to myself, "How'd I end up here, walking down this street?" Sometimes I'm amazed at where I've taken myself. I've met some great friends and good people along the way. I'm glad I met them, and I'm sorry if I ever hurt them, and I'd hate to see them go.

I remember this conversation I had with my dad back when I was in the 9th grade. He was telling me about how he had met all these great people in the Air Force, and how he always had to say goodbye when he or his pals were re-stationed, and how most of the time he lost all contact with them. And I remember thinking how terrible that must be. And I remember thinking that I never want that to happen. And since then, I've always tried to keep friends, but sometimes they slip away, and sometimes I have to accept that.

"remember that time...?" Heh, yeah we were invincible.

where does the good go?

2005-03-16T12:34:00.000-05:00

When I can't think of a title, I kinda just steal a lyric from whatever song that just so happens to be playing in the background...
...where does the good go?
look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive
look me in the heart and tell me you won't go
look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love
look me in the heart and un break broken, it won't happen... -tegan & sara
...(le sigh).

So, the internal battle is still at large. I've also made a few decisions in the past few weeks that will greatly affect my future. I'm not sure if it'll be for the best, but I had to make an attempt toward progression. It all still hurts.

I don't know what I'm doing. I seriously don't know anymore. I wandered all through life...and now I'm just stumbling.

They say I'm crazy. I say indeed.

---

I had one of those dreams last nite where the colors were beautiful, the lighting was harsh sunlight along with the drastic shadows it produces. Silent dream...only action and facial expressions and sunlight. It was a variation of my hotrod, heist & porno fantasy. I was somewhere in the desert. I could tell that I was in big sky country by the brilliant shade of blue and by the lovely puffs of cloud. Dirt roads intersected lost highways. I could feel the gravel crunch under my feet as I walked. I could smell the engine of the car and the man driving it. I could taste the cigarettes on his lips. I could feel everything. The dream didn't end in the usual manner of us getting away with murder and robbery and having sex on the hood of the car. This time, there was a crash after a shoot out. I pulled myself out of the wreckage, and I pulled him out, he said something, smiled, and then died. I cried as I tried to stand up. I was bleeding from my torso. I walked away from the crash and heading into the desert, but I didn't get far before a black shiny car pulled up. I was gagged, and bound, and thrown in the trunk. I couldn't be saved. I was as good as dead.

please not now.

2005-03-08T18:04:00.000-05:00

There's a lot for me to complain about, but quite frankly, I'm just so tired of everything. I want to quit. I want to move on. I want to go home. I want to see my dog. I want to punch faces. I want to give the fuck up. I'm tired. I'm really tired.

I don't know what to say anymore. I just want to disappear.

she can't take it.

2005-03-03T19:22:00.000-05:00

...I left at exactly 5:30 today. No more, no less. And when I was walking home, tears just involuntarily started rolling down my cheeks.

I knew I'd just end up hurting myself...and I'm probably going to end up hurting other people as well.

she needs direction.

2005-02-23T22:44:00.000-05:00

Failure is the worse adjective to describe a person. It's actually the worst when you use it in context to yourself. I'm not saying that I'm a failure; it just seems that sometimes, on occasion I feel like a complete failure. And I just get so upset at myself for thinking that I am one. That feeling of getting upset at myself for thinking that I'm a failure feels worse than actually calling myself a failure. Make sense?...yeah, I don't quite rightly know what I'm trying to say either.
I'm not a failure. I'm just not a go-getter. I let things pass me by because I'm a coward.
Q: Which is worse: being a failure, or being a coward?
A: Being both.

er hat es ihr gegeben.

2005-02-21T12:47:00.000-05:00

I think I'm getting close to figuring out what I'm trying to accomplish. I've been getting second opinions and working out the kinks. I've decided that maybe later in my life, like when I'm in my late twenties, I'd like to go to grad school so I can teach a history of design course. Of course, this all goes along with my long-term "shit I'd like to accomplish before I die" list. And of course, I'd need a job to pay off all my student loan debts, and then actually come up with the funds to pay for grad school. You never know: it could happen. A gal can dream.

Soul food is delicious...especially when you cook it yourself.

her own problem.

2005-02-17T22:26:00.000-05:00

There's been alot going on with me lately. It's nothing bad, nothing that would drive me crazy. It's just shit that I need to figure out on my own. Shit that deals with my where I want my life to be going. Career-wise? Relationship-wise? Possibly. Possibly not.
I'd rather not even discuss it here with myself, because I honestly have no idea where I'm trying to go with myself. So, yeah, I'll just struggle internally with this mess and hope that something clever comes up.

And yesterday was a fun day...at least most of it.

this little row home.

2005-02-12T22:23:00.000-05:00

I spent the night at Katherine and Al's, because there wasn't much else to do on Friday. Sometime in the middle of the night, she came up into the spare bedroom to tell me that she and Al were going to the hospital because this past week, she's been having terrible stomach pains because she has an ulcer now. Yeah. They came back at around 6am, and she was better.
We went to Ikea at around 10am because she got her refund check, and they're constantly making their house a home. I picked up some shit that I really needed, like kitchen shit. Then we went to Wal-Mart, and as much as I hate that place, I bought a vacuum, a memory foam pad for my bed and some cat shit for Sherman.
I was so excited when I finally got home...I love being domestic! I vacuumed the Trin, and washed all my bedding, and put down the foam thingie, and did the dishes, and rearranged my kitchen cabinets, and cooked dinner, and did more laundry, and cleaned the bathroom, and did more dishes, and swept the basement, and took a shower, and made up my bed...and yeah, I guess that's it. All that was done between 6 and 9pm. Now I'm just bored.

Tomorrow I believe Katherine and Al are taking a train into the city and I'll meet them at the car show. Should be fun. I like looking at cars...it fuels all my hot rod porno flick dreams.

And maybe tomorrow when I walk home, I'll go buy myself some flowers for St. Valentine's. Some calla lilies. Or maybe I won't...I'd have to buy a vase as well. No flowers for Leslie. I've never received flowers in my life; and I suppose buying them myself wouldn't be the same. I bet the feeling of being cared about is nice though.

I can't wait until I decide to go to bed tonite because I bet my bed will be stellar.

the way it goes.

2005-02-08T19:55:00.000-05:00

I don't have anything to say really. I don't even know why I bothered to open this page. But I did. So I shall type.

Here's how I've been lately: better.
Here's how I want to be in the coming days: better.
Here's who I miss: the ones that make me smile.
Here's what I always think about: where I went wrong, and how I can save myself.

I think I've gotten to that point where I feel content, yet stuck in a rut at the same time. I don't know what to do. I just don't know about anything. I don't quite know what I'm doing with myself. Live from day to day, and have nothing to show for yourself at the end of the day...is that what it's all about? I always thought that I would do great things. I still think that I'm going to do something great. But I just wish that I had some idea as what I'm going to do, and when it's going to take place.
Am I going to have to move, or something? Is Philadelphia not the place where my mission is set? It feels right, but at the same time, it feels all wrong.

we meet again, friends.

2005-02-06T20:41:00.000-05:00

The weekend has been rather eventful...at least for me. So in a nutshell: it involved lots of hanging out, and I think I saw more nooks and crannies of the city of Philadelphia on Saturday than I have in since I've lived here. Even if I didn't seem like I enjoyed it...I did. It was fun.

Why it never worked out: I'm a jerk with not many morals. But it's okay. Maybe from it all, and in the long run, I will have learned a valuable lesson in dealing with human emotion and relations.

It was good to see Alison today as well. On a whim, we hung out, and we went places. And for being SuperBowl Sabbath, I surprisingly landed the sweetest parking spot in front of the Trin with absolutely no driving around the blocks required...suh-wheat.

I just read Sheila's away message, which read: "Let's Go Patriots!" Ha. It's so good to here something other than Eagles. Not that I really care either way...though, I'm sure Philly will be a happy place if they do win because everyone would stop bitching and moaning.

Sherman has become a bit of a lap kitty.

mystery bruise.

2005-02-04T00:45:00.000-05:00

Alright, I'm totally over whatever the fuck mood I was in earlier this evening. SAD BASTARD!...GET THE SHIT OVER YOURSELF! Done, and done. Not really, but shit, why would today be any worse than any other day? I couldn't answer myself, so I said I'm over it...once again.

Mean people just make me angry. No respect = no class.

she wants to be novel.

2005-02-02T19:50:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading The Sirens of Titan about fifteen minutes ago. I know that I started it back in December, but lately I have this complex about finishing books. I think what it is, is that I don't want them to ever end. Therefore, I'll only read a few chapters or pages a night.

But, I had to finish it tonite. I'm probably the only nerd in history who felt like crying after reading this particular Vonnegut book. Sure, it was inevitably sad, but I think I wanted to cry moreso about the main idea. I had a similar idea back in my stoner days, and to read that same idea, which was written decades ago by perhaps one of the greatest writers ever just made me feel so at ease, and at the same time it made me feel so alone.

(Sigh)

So yeah. Out of all the ones that I've read thus far in my life, The Sirens of Titan is my new favorite Vonnegut.

the one she keeps inside.

2005-01-31T19:06:00.000-05:00

Yeah, he's right: one of the best things about working there is that you can drink in the office during office hours.

So last nite after I took my shower, I came to the conclusion that I deserve better than what I've been giving myself for the past few years. I've been treating myself, and have been allowing others to treat me like a fucking ragdoll. And that's not what I am. I deserve better. No more self-degradation. It's time I start believing in myself. I'm so tired of it all. The bar has been lifted, once again. My standards are so high now that I don't even think it's feasible anymore.

I'm over it.

I just feel like a sad bastard again. My chemicals are all out of balance. Some days I feel like I don't know who I am. Some days I feel like I hate who I've become. I don't care anymore. I just want to be okay. I don't want anyone to worry about me. I'll get through everything eventually...at least I'll try my best.

Eat that.

want to cuss and fight.

2005-01-30T19:27:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I went over to Katherine's, per usual, and I hadn't shovelled my car out of the snow since last week, so my car was pretty much in a fort of dirty, iced snow from the snow plows. Luckily, there was a funeral going on at the church across the street from the Trin, and luckily some brotha asked for a light, because he was at his uncle's funeral and was "achin' for a smoke." Me: "Yeah...I got a light. You wouldn't happen to have a snow shovel, would you?" In the end, dude had a shovel, and said he'd shovel me out for twenty bucks. I think about it. Yeah, there was no fucking way my car was going anywhere without a shovel...I tried. "Alright," I say. When he comes back with the shovel, he says,"Man, it's all ice...I'll do it for 30." "What?!" He shovels anyway, when I said, I had was twenty bucks, he said, "Man!...you just played me!" and he walked off with his shovel, and went back into the church. Ha. Anyway.
So, from about 6 p.m. until like 12:30 a.m., we hung out with Frank at his tattoo parlor. He still hasn't drawn my tattoo, but he's going to do it sometime this week, because now he has a better understanding of the style that I want it in. It's fun hanging out there. He's such a perv, and the characters that come by are total characters. This one dude...totally wanted to bang me. He was actually a cute dude, but unfortunately, he lost one of his front teeth skateboarding or some shit. It's the weirdest little world inside that place.

I totally love it when my iTunes is on shuffle for the entire library. It's the greatest thing when you finish listening to a song that you chose to hear, and iTunes will pick a song that's equally as good. In this particular case: I chose Jane's Addiction, and then iTunes chose The Kills. Too rad.

she is beautiful.

2005-01-28T19:19:00.000-05:00

...why thank you, Andrew WK, I am aren't I?

Anyway. It's been a slowish week, but I'd have to say it's been my most inspiring...design wise. Fun stuff. Doing what you love to do pays off...ego wise.

There's actually nothing going on. I'm a total geek.

this is all that's left.

2005-01-25T19:59:00.000-05:00

Give me what I deserve.
Or else just...
Just let me go.
I swear I'll leave quietly.

sinking much too low.

2005-01-23T17:31:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I forgot to get medicine for my congested nose and sore throat, when that was my main errand that needed to be taken care of. Oh well, I'll just drink a ton of tea instead.
Surprisingly, I was highly productive on this Sabbath. I even managed to fix my broke down bed, which I've been meaning to do way back in July. Now, I can bang on it...I kid, I kid. I cleaned like mad. I like being domestic...I wouldn't make a good feminist.

tear thru space.

2005-01-22T15:58:00.000-05:00

I went and got my haircut today before I went over to Katherine and Al's place. I dig it. It's all one length now, except for the swoopy bangs.
So Frank couldn't open his parlor because the town declared it a state of emergency due to the snow and business was to be shut down. So the tattoos are on hold until next weekend. I drove home in the blizzardy conditions, and all I have to say is: thank fucking jeeb I drive an Explorer. I was actually doing fishtails whenever I was on a road that had no other cars...so fun! I just wanted to plow through the snow at seventy miles per hour, but I kept it under forty.

So yeah, I'm snowed in. I don't have a snow shovel.

I always did like it when it first starts to snow. I like how the world just slows down, and all you hear is the snow. It's like being in a snow globe.

it's coming down.

2005-01-21T21:51:00.000-05:00

I should probably stop smoking during this period of producing heinous phlegmy coughs...but I'm a retard.

Pirated DVDs are "friggin' sweet." I also have about 500+ mp3 files waiting on my computer at Machine for me to lift. iPods and firewire cables are the best.

I'm bored. And it's cold outside.

she started to holler...

2005-01-20T20:02:00.000-05:00

...I didn't wanna!!
Screaming Fields of Sonic Love was/is such a great album.

I hate how all my black socks have a hole over my big toe. And the odd part is: I wear grey and navy socks just as much, but they never seem to get holes. What's up with that, black?
I can't wait to get paid tomorrow. I need to pay some bills and buy some food.

Saturday nite, I'm getting a tattoo. I'm totally stoked. I can't wait to see homeboy's drawing of my idea. I would've drawn it myself, and I was going to, but I couldn't find the reference photo that I stumbled across one day. But dude does this shit as a living, so I'll just trust his design. Of course, I have to see it first, but I'm sure it'll be radass.
I can't wait. I need to feel pain. Such a mini-masochist!

what it does.

2005-01-19T21:39:00.000-05:00

(huge sigh). He makes me smile like mad. It's crazy. Drag.

must have lost her.

2005-01-13T18:44:00.000-05:00

It's been a weird past few days at Machine. It's been a weird past few days in general.

So yesterday, I left at around three in the afternoon because there wasn't much going on. I'm walking home, and I'm on the corner of 3rd and Pine, and I really have to pee, so I'm just thinking to myself, "Three more blocks." This dude came up from behind me and asked for directions. I told him, and I realize a day later that I gave him the wrong directions: I was thinking of Broad St...oops. Anyway. He then proceeded to lay on the compliments, "You realize that you're very beautiful, right?...yakkittie yak...would you like to get a cup of coffee?" I told him that I was on my way home from work, and that I really had to pee. He said that I could use the restroom in the coffeeshop. In the end, I let the dude buy me a cup of coffee. Then as soon as I could get myself out of that situation, I hurried home and pissed like a race-horse.
It was all very flattering, but he's not really who I want.

don't get left behind.

2005-01-11T20:26:00.000-05:00

While I was at Machine, I was sitting there thinking about whatever it is that my mind makes me think about. Along the way, I asked myself this: How do you get by being alone? My answer: the memories and tales of adventure, or what's left of them.

Sometimes, I wish I could go back in time with the knowledge I know now. I don't know what I'd do differently. I think I'd just change some conversations around. And if they left, I'd try to make them stay a little longer.

caught her doing it again.

2005-01-10T21:39:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have this habit of taking a snapshot of my smile whenever I catch myself wearing one. I don't know why. So why was I smiling at around 8:30ish this evening? Answer: I'm not sure, really. I was just smiling. So I must've been thinking about something that was either pleasurable, or funny...or both.

I should just start using a link for this purpose.

in twenty sentences or less.

2005-01-09T22:53:00.000-05:00

Weekend in a nutshell:

Friday: Machine; left early at around 2ish. Afternoon Comedy Central movies. Errands and domestic affairs. Lame evening.

Saturday: Afternoon Comedy Central movies. Domestic affairs. Ride to Jersey. Dinner for seven. Home with Sherman.

Sunday: Domestic affairs. Spaced out on North Broad. Target for extreme last minute christmas gift. Stood in line for about twenty minutes. Roasted a turkey. Domestic affairs. Watched Anchorman. Had pie. Spaced out going South. Killer parking. Home with Sherman.

everybody's talk 'n bout the stormy weather.

2005-01-07T17:52:00.000-05:00

What? I don't quite get it. I always seem like I have some understanding, but
really, I'm just bullshitting. Wing that, motherfucker. What?
I have no idea how I want to spend this evening. It's First Friday. I'm not really
down with dealing with the intoxicating art scene. It's not really my thing. I shall
pass on that, thanks though.
So I've decided that this year...I've decided that I am in fact "exactly where I'm
at." Ween reference number one; that's got to mean something to someone. I just want to get through another year. That's all, man, just let me do this. I
don't care about anything right now; I don't give a shit about what's going on in
the world. All I care to know is what I choose to know. If that makes me a bad
person, then so be it. "...this is indeed a tender situation."
I don't know. Maybe I just don't want to care anymore. I'm totally content. Right
now I'm just completely comfortable with myself. As long as I get by: I'm fine. So I'm just gonna be a complete jerk, which essentially is what I alway was and am. Dirtrag, I know.

Yeah, let's go scream our lungs out now.

...pretty sure she did.

2005-01-04T20:37:00.000-05:00

Not that anyone cares to know this, much less needs to know, is how I'm completely antsy. My whole body is jittery. It's like: bang me, mister.
No one? Anyway.
Turns out that I'm broke. Shit bounced all over the place. I completely forgot to stop by my bank account in Louisiana. I'm such an idiot because now, calling them is worse than going there in person. Too many security precautions are involved over phone lines. My rent's late. I still got another week or so for my electric, which isn't much, but I still don't have it. Insuffient funds for electronic transfer bills, including car insurance.
Weak sauce.
But at least through it all, I still enjoy going to iShip.

I guess I'll just come clean with myself here. So, I forgot how much I loved to get high. Oh sweet, sweet Mary Jane.
This is the song I think of:

I'm thinking of a number between everything and two
she said you can find a space between my arms if you will stay
like if we ignore the system they'll just blink out and quickly
go away
she said I'll keep all the signals that you send home to me
and I'll meet you back here on the ground
it's lift off, lift off again
she's pissed off, pissed off again
moonlight brings me back again to stay
and I know if she had a way I'd always be through
tethered to a glass ring she keeps beside the phone
and never ever stepping out into
blankness and darkness, like underneath a leaf, have settled on
me here and
scraped away the sound
she said you can find a place inside my heart if you can stay
and I need you back here on the ground
it's lift off, lift off again
she's pissed off, pissed off again
moonlight brings me back again to stay
and I know if she had a way I'd always be through
tethered to a glass ring she keeps beside the phone
and never ever stepping out into
I'm thinking of a number between everything and two
moonlight brings me back again to stay
and I know if she had a way I'd always be through
tethered to a glass ring she keeps beside the phone
and never ever stepping out into
moonlight brings me back again this day
and I don't feel a thing here anymore
strings of information slowing to a stop
the tether's end is slipping from its knot
I'm stretching out in two
I'm thinking of a number between everything and two
and it's molecules of you.

...best band of the mid-to-late nineties ever. Nerd du jour.

did she say dirty pussy?

2005-01-02T18:24:00.000-05:00

Shall I tell you of my drive?...of my New Year's? Why the hell not.
Wednesday I dropped Billie off at the airport in New Orleans at around 1:30ish. From there, I only got as far as York, Alabama. Some seedy trucker motel. Checked out at around 11ish. I drove to Warrior and got to Rusty and D's at around 1ish. Had a toast, then got as far as the southern outskirts of Chattanooga. In the morning, I found out the landscape was the beginnings of the mountain range. It was lovely. Had my free donut and coffee, and chatted with some 8 or 9 year old little kid. He got a guitar for christmas. Whoa. Me too. I'm truckin'. Called Katherine back at a rest area, no way in hell I'd be back for the eve. Stopped in Staunton, VA because I didn't want to be one of those sober, tired drivers who gets killed by a drunk. Made phone calls, watched the fireworks on cnn. Slept. Hello Philadelphia.
So my only resolution was to clean and rearrange my apartment, because hey, my place is, no, was just as cluttered as my parents' house. Two nights later: it looks ten times better, and feels more like home. I even cleaned that filthy basement. And as it turns out, if they would've swept down there before I moved in, I'd have known that there is a cement floor.
Back to the iShip tomorrow.

it was in the works, but this is it.

2004-12-28T01:57:00.000-05:00

Yeah, my spirits are much fluttery today. It was just one of those sunny days where you wake to the light filtering thru the curtains. And then you just kind of smirk to yourself.
It was actually a good day. Billie, Liz and myself cleaned what was the last bit of house cleaning that we could offer during our time here. It's actually a good thing that this place is being renovated, because we're throwing out all the shit that's contributing to dust allergies.
After the truckload was dumped at the Salvation Army , we went and had sushi at the Wok, and said goodbye to our mom's friend. We're going to Houston tomorrow.

it's almost criminal.

2004-12-27T04:15:00.000-05:00

This actually needs a disclaimer: all material written here is how I feel.

So, I've come home to my parents' house to find out this, my childhood home, is no longer the home that I once knew. My parents are in the process of renovating the house. It looks good, but it's not what was comfortable. The shitty shag is now hardwood. There no sense of comfort, because our cluttered bedrooms are now similar to hotel room minimals. The only few items that remain are a few of our old teddy bears on the beds.
They're so unhappy with each other. I think it's safe to say that they both fear and hate each other. There is no communication. We're all connected, and yet disconnected at the same time. I can't speak to them. And it kills me.
So it became blatantly obvious that Philadelphia is now my home, and that I have to offically start the rest of my life.

manage that time.

2004-12-26T23:24:00.000-05:00

It was about 70 something degrees out today. It felt good to be outside in a tee shirt and sunglasses, listening to the classic rock station while smoking a cigarette and detailing my car. God bless sunny weather. It made my head feel less likely to implode. I like being outside and being able to wash my car old school style with a bucket of soap.

It's a feeling of freedom.

why she left in the first place.

2004-12-25T01:49:00.000-05:00

So here I am in Louisiana. I've been missing Philly and my apartment since I got here, but whatever. My cat that Liz saved is the sweetest kitty; he's beautiful, and he's laying beside me in bed right now grooming himself. Precious.
Yeah, so christmas. Technically, it's christmas now. It doesn't phase me. Even if I am happy, I'm sad. That's just how it is. Being home is always a little depressing. I hate having to somewhat live through what I already had to live through.
I hate to say it, but I don't think I'll be coming back down here for awhile. I end up just drinking and cussing a lot.

Oh well. It's christmas. I can't deny that I love my family, but I can't stand being around them for too long. I'm leaving for Philly on Wednesday. I'll be back to spend New Year's alone...how pathetic.

one more day, and then she's gone.

2004-12-16T23:55:00.000-05:00

I went to Pearl today to pick up some shit so I could wrap some gifts, but unfortunately, they didn't have what I was looking for. I did, in fact though, pick up this gold ink that is totally awesome, and totally adds a nice touch to my already nice presentation. Anyone who sees my packaging will only wish they were receiving a holiday gift from me. It's like so awesome, you don't even want to open it. I actually wish I had more friends, just so I could've gotten them a gift and wrapped it pretty. Anyway.
I'm not going to work tomorrow, so now I can go and take care of all that shit that I thought I was going to have to do Saturday morning before I officially hit the road. I definitely need to go to Microcenter tomorrow, as much as I don't want to. But I must. I actually have to clean my apartment hardcore tomorrow. You know what, since I'm not working tomorrow, I may as well stay up late and do that now.

stayed in place.

2004-12-15T21:36:00.000-05:00

Despite the wind gusts outside, I had the best hair day ever. I was in the bathroom at work, and I looked in the mirror, and damn did my hair look surprisingly stellar. I rocked it. I should've taken a picture.
Also, a very cute dude works at What's On Tap?...I just found that out today.

another late nite.

2004-12-15T01:58:00.000-05:00

Rusty called me thrice tonite during his drunk 'n dial session. I don't ever mind when someone dd's me, because at least someone's calling me...other than my daily WHYY solicitation call. Turns out, he's now worth over a million dollars. Fucking nuts.
I can't sleep at all tonite. I was laying in bed for over three hours before I finally decided to get up and do something. I guess I'm just antsy about going back home in the next few days. When I was talking to Rusty, he was mentioning places that I forgot about. I wouldn't say I'm afraid to go back; I'm just a little nervous. I seriously don't want to run into anyone I went to highschool with...but then again, I'm hoping I do, just because I'm so much hotter than I was then, and because I'm a little more successful than they ever imagined.
I haven't even gotten anyone gifts yet. I just don't have the time on weekdays. I was a total retard this weekend and deposited my paycheck without cashing it first, so I totally bummed my days away cause the money didn't clear until today. Maybe I'll just leave Saturday afternoon after I pick up a few items in the morning. Or maybe I'll just take Friday off. I don't know.

I can't wait to see Ben.

her insanely insomniac nite.

2004-12-13T01:58:00.000-05:00

It's been decided that I lead a dreadfully dull life. I believe that if what I do on a day-to-day basis were a mixed drink, these would be the ingredients: one part starving artist, one part couch potatoe, one part housewife, two parts mac slave, and a twist of nerd...stirred, not shaken. It would also be called a Fucking Mad Genius. "Yeah, Barkeep, can I get a Fuckin' Mad Jeanus?"
But earlier over the phone, when I told Katherine my answer to the question of how my weekend went, she said this: "Well...at least you're staying out of trouble." True indeed. She runs into my arresting officer in Jenkintown a lot; Friday was their most recent encounter, and he always asks her, "...staying out of trouble?" I can never look those cops in the eyes again, not after what I did.
So yeah, Leslie is getting back in that old regimen of being the geek that she always was and is: work, computer, read, sleep.
I've also decided that I'd catch up on my Vonnegut by finishing the books I never got around to finishing, and starting the ones I never got to start. I just finished God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater today...I believe I started it last week. I was only reading a chapter a nite before bed, but the Sabbath is always a good day to polish off the last half of a novel. I actually feel asleep at around 3 o'clock this afternoon, but when I woke up, I picked up where I left off before drifting in and out of consciousness. It was a highly enjoyable read. And so my purpose of coming downstairs was to pick up another book because I can't sleep because I fell asleep, but my computer is right there, and yeah, here I am being a nerd, typing away. But at least I did dig out The Sirens of Titan as the next read; another of his books that I never got around to starting...a copy that apparently belongs to the Multnomah County Library in Portland, OR.
On a completely random note: sometime after I arose from my nap, I went to Wawa to get a sandwich for dinner. When I got home, I was a little disappointed that the chick smothered the top half of my kaiser roll with horseradish. I know I asked for it, but shit, that was a lot of horseradish. Halfway into the sammich, that's all I tasted. Despite my burning nostrils, it was still a good sammich. There should be the option of "Little Bit of Horseradish," much like the "Little Bit of Mayo" option they got going on.
I'm leaving for Louisiana on Saturday. How exciting is that?...toe-toe-totally. It kinda sucks that I won't get to be able to hang out with anyone before I leave. Felicia's in the midst of finals; I believe Alison is as well...and I haven't hung out with either of them since the last time they got mentioned here. I was planning on stopping in to see Katherine and Al on my way since they're not far from the Turnpike, but I neglected to get Liz her present, so I have to take I76 and head west so I can pop over to Microcenter and pick it up, which is going to be a fucking drag on the Saturday before Christ!mas. Trying to get to that fucking Turnpike by way of KofP is gonna bust my balls. It's bad enough on any other given day, let alone on this particular day. Yeah, unfortunately, my only handful of friends won't/can't come see me, so I'll leave without giving a proper adieu like the drifter I am. It's a little heartbreaking when everyone, including myself, is guilty of being a lousy friend. We all try, but not hard enough. Oh well, they know I care.
Am I nuts to drive 1300 miles just to spend a week on vacation?...and then drive back? I think so. Normally when I drive there, I'm staying for at least a month. If I didn't have to bring back a cat to PA, I would've gotten a flight...even though I hate flying. This just may be the last long trip the Explorer will be able to handle. After this, only short, errand time trips. He's seen over half of the U.S., so I don't feel bad for hanging up his atlas. Good times.
You know, the thought of never again being able to take a spur-of-the-moment, halfway-across-the-country roadtrip really frightens me. To not be able to move seems like strangulation...and I hate not being able to breathe. I never imagined myself in one place. And everyone asks me why I chose Philadelphia...to answer: I was stoned. Will I stay?...for at least another year, or so. To be honest, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself...and maybe it's better that way.

"Yeah, Barkeep, can I get another Fuckin' Mad Jeanus over here?"

wish her well.

2004-12-11T16:53:00.000-05:00

Roxanne called today and we spoke on the phone for about 45 minutes. Turns out her room mates kicked her out of their condo over some stupid shit. So now she has to move back to Louisiana because she can't afford to pay rent on her own. It totally fucking sucks. She's pissed. She just landed a sweet, well paying job, and now she has to give them her two weeks notice when she goes in on Monday.

a questionnaire thing that would normally be too emo for me to answer.

2004-12-11T10:46:00.000-05:00

I got one of those livejournalesque questionnaires in my email, and normally I delete all things like that, but I decided this morning that I'd answer it and post it here. So here it is:

2004 in 25

1. What is something new you did in 2004? Opened a checking account, and started paying for my own car insurance.

2. How'd you spend last Christmas? With my family, sans Billie.

3. How'd you spend last New Year's? I was in Louisiana, and I believe I slept through the Eve, and in the morning I made this awesome pot of black eyed peas that was excellent by the time they were done for dinner.

4. What were some of your favorite days in 2004? The weekend of my college graduation. My mom, Billie and Pat, Liz, and Roxanne all showed up, and them plus Katherine and Felicia was good times.

5. What were your greatest achievements? Graduating. Getting paid.

6. What about your failures? What about them?...I guess it would be thinking that I, myself was a failure.

7. What was the best album you purchased in 2004? Based on most listened to, I'm going to have to say Nada Surf's newest one.

8. What was the worst/most disappointing album you purchased in 2004? One of those albums that I bought strickly based on the cover art...I know I should stop doing that, but sometimes when I'm in a record store and I go with the intent of buying a cd, I can't think of what I really want.

9. What's the most played song in your iTunes library? Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl, from Broken Social Scene's You Forgot It in People.

10. What was your favorite article of clothing that you purchased? I dunno, some jeans?...and maybe some new blazers.

11. What kind of shoes did you rock in 2004? White, orange and green Converse 1984 Re-Issues; Red and white Vans that I've been rocking since 10th grade, Navy and orange Pumas; various girly shoes and heels.

12. What was the most expensive thing you bought this year? The Trin...I didn't buy it, but it's rent is hefty. And the new speakers for my computer. Oh, and car insurance.

13. Read any good books this year? Yeah, as a matter of fact I did: You Shall Know Our Velocity was the best fiction, and River Town: Two Years on Yangtze was the best non.

14. Favorite movies? Saved, Garden State, The Incredibles.

15. Favorite shows? I don't watch too much television. The Simpsons. South Park. The O.C.

16. How did you spend your birthday this year? Met one of the raddest guys on the face of this earth...and then heavily making out with him.

17. Remind me, how old are you? Twenty-two.

18. Did you get something nice for your birthday? Yeah, you could say that...but I think something 'stellar' would be a better term for it.

19. Did you meet any cool cats this year, and who, and are they still around? Yes. Tonie, and he's around the ways, via the internet, which sucks, but whatever at least he's around. And despite our differences, I'm still friends with Ryan.

20. Were you sexually active this year? ...dude, that's classified information.

21. Did you use protection, and did you orgasm? ...dude, seriously...

22. Do you miss anyone; who, and why? My family, because they're my family. Roxanne and Rusty, because they're two of my oldest friends. And some other randoms.

23. Did you fall in love this year? I don't really know what that feels like, so I wouldn't know. All I know is that I care a lot about those I've come to know. That was a lot of 'know.'

24. So, are you looking forward to 2005? Um, I guess this year could be my year...but then again, I say that every year.

25. One last question: what did you learn this year that you would pass on as advice? I think I learned something that I already knew: only you know what's right...and if you don't know, then make it up for yourself.

she can't complain.

2004-12-06T21:19:00.000-05:00

"Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why." —Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

You know, oddly, I really don't have much to bitch about these days. It seems as if for the time being, I've got my shit together. I remember how at the beginning and end of every year, or semester I would vow to "get my shit together." It's funny how I've actually gotten it somewhat put together. I mean, I pay my bills, and I've got a pseudo-job, and yeah, I've got myself. I guess I'm halfway there...where ever there is.
Some days, I've been catching myself smiling for no particular reason. I guess this is what content feels like. I don't really have anything to worry about. It's actually a little strange because there's never been a time where I didn't have something to stress out and mope about. It's all so strange to me.

I'm really looking forward to visiting my parents. For once, I can come home bearing gifts, that I actually paid for with my own money. And I know that everyone is truely proud of me for going out on a limb by moving so far away and actually accomplishing something that they weren't sure I could handle. Their happiness will make me happy.

And Liz got me a cat. Some stray that she's been taking care of. But she took him to the vet and had him all cleaned up, so long as I promised to give it a home. So after the holidays, I'll no longer be lonely. Fuck dudes; I'm getting a cat, meow.

drop that deuce.

2004-12-05T16:33:00.000-05:00

I helped Katherine and Al move furniture yesterday. I forgot how much I hated moving; my arms are sore. But at least they gave me the old Ikea couch that we had at Lynnewood when we all lived together. So yay, I have a couch. Free shit rocks.
Her little sister came with us from Jersey and we all spent the nite at Katherine's. I believe the ever-present phrase of the weekend was "dropping a deuce." I don't really think her sister knew that meant taking a shit until well into Saturday, and I don't think it mattered to her because she still said it.
My car looks good and new with the window fixed. And, I think it's official: I'm one of the best parellel parkers in the world.

Two for one Camels are the best. Loves it.

vampirish delicacy

2004-12-01T18:50:00.000-05:00

vampiros
Originally uploaded by cheersfortrout.

I love this photo; blurs and all. I think it's gorgeous. It's just my neck, but it's so lovely. It was taken for a reason, but I won't get into that.

I've always thought that the worst way to die is to have something done to your throat. Strangled. Slit. Hung. I don't like having my neck touched. I'd have to really trust a person in order for their hands to come near my neck. But oddly, I enjoy that area to be paid attention to during makeout sessions...but then again, I only makeout with people I sorta trust.

There's really no point to this entry. I just like looking at this photo...and I really want someone to bite my neck.

the five stripes.

2004-11-26T18:33:00.000-05:00

Alright, so yesterday, Thanksgiving, I was feeling sorry for myself because of the fact that I couldn't be with my family. But in truth, I was with family for a few hours...that family being Katherine, Al, and Katherine's family. They've been good to me for the past four years, and I'm thankful for that, because if I didn't have them to go to, then I really would have nothing. And I did get to speak to Billie, Roxanne and my parents. Liz was sleeping, but she knows I love her.
And I was also angry at the fact that I had to go into work today, but it was cool. Because if I didn't go in today, I would've most likely just been laid up in bed all day, feeling sorry for myself or some shit. Besides, I had a meeting about the K•Swiss project that I get to be involved with. So it's all good because portfolio-wise, that's a pretty impressive company name to have done work for.

At this very moment, there's a mouse wandering around my feet. The dude is walking around like he owns the place. I gotta buy some damn glue traps tomorrow.

warm hearts, cold hands.

2004-11-24T20:19:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving is one of those holidays that I used to enjoy. Now, it's kinda like any other day, except now I get depressed simply because of the fact that I don't get to hang out with my family. And you know, I may spend a few hours with Katherine's family in Jersey, and I'm thankful that they're like my foster home, but I always feel out of place, and I always end up feeling isolated. And I hate having to call my family, just to hear ourselves tell each other how much we miss one another.
I'd love to wallow in an entire bottle of whiskey tomorrow, and I'd kill to go shopping with Katherine on Friday, but I gotta go iShip on Friday. This is what I was asked on Tuesday, "...would you be interested in a full-time position after you're done with the internship?" Totally. Rad.

I knew I should've just left the skeletons where they fell. Don't mess with the voodoo. Don't touch it. Leave it alone. It's not worth it.

a lovely mane, indeed.

2004-11-22T22:24:00.000-05:00

Today I had the best hair day in what seems like months. I love getting new shampoo...and I love it even more when it makes me have good hair days on days when I don't blow dry my hair. When I was living with Katherine, between the two of us, we had about 30 bottles of shampoo. No lie. Okay, for awhile there, we had a problem with buying shampoo. But sometimes, you just need new shampoo, because if one isn't working for you, then you don't continue using it...you just gotta get some more and find out what works. Right? Right.
Last nite, I was telling her how great my hair felt, so this morning, she went out and bought the shampoo and showered before work, and she then agreed that John Frieda is a genius.
Today was just a good day, simply because my hair looked stellar...and of course, I had to rock the female version of the emo combover, which surprisingly, makes me look more put together and sophisticated, rather than like emo groupie trash. It's probably because I was rocking that combover way before it became cool, way back when I had long hair, so yeah, I know how to not look like a fad.
And as of last Thursday, I believe I've officially lost 12.2 pounds. I was excited, because I could finally button that cranberry blazer that works so well with my skin and hair color. It's still a little tight, but whatever, I look totally rad in it.
Also, today rocked because Anthony from Machine handed each of us a handful of cash for working on the "sweat 'til you bleed" junk. So yeah, getting $35 in cash is sure to make me smile.

Tomorrow, it will be exactly 30 days until I have to be in New Orleans. Oh my god, I can't wait to go to Prejean's...best cajun restaurant in the entire state of Louisiana. And I can't wait to pound some Abita beer...mmm, Purple Haze. I've been catching my southern drawl come out in my speech lately...I must seriously be ready to get the fuck out of here.

the worst parking spot ever.

2004-11-21T20:12:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it's already sunday nite. Where the hell did the weekend go? Days seem to go by so fast now. Drag.
My original purpose for going to hang out with Katherine and Alfred today was to go buy some new curtains and a bamboo blind for my windows. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. I was all psyched that I was going to get window treatments, and I'm in my car, setting up some music to jam out to, and I'm ready to go; had my car in drive, looked over my shoulder and, "what the fuck!?" I'm thinking to myself, "It didn't freeze last nite!...that's not fucking slush!" So I get out, and yeah, I was pissed: my back passenger side window in the cargo area was fucking spiderwebbedly cracked. So I got out, inspected that shit, and I was pissed. It looks like it was shot by a bb gun, because there's a tiny hole, and yeah, I touched it, and if I hit a pothole, that shit would've shattered everywhere. Thank god for safety glass. So I drove to Katherine's, and Al's gonna make some calls and find me a deal on glass, and he's gonna have it fixed...it's a great thing that he's in the car business.
So naturally, since I have to take care of that mess; no curtains were bought. We duct taped it up, and I left my car in Abington at their place. I'd rather not have a duct taped car in philly, cause then it'd be pretty obvious that my stereo could easily be stolen...not that I have a stereo that would be worth anything, but still.
What a drag. But at least we had a fun day. And at least I bought some new shampoo that makes my hair feel stellar.

conversation she makes with herself.

2004-11-17T23:33:00.000-05:00

Now's about time I move on.
Metaphorically speaking?
It was all incredibly great.
I wouldn't have done anything differently.
Okay, that's a lie.
All I'm saying is that everything has been great.
I loved it all.
And yeah, I still miss it all.
Everything, and everyone changes.
We are constantly in motion, even when we're stationary.
Going against the movement is where I faulter.
Just keep going.
So no more doubts?
No more doubts.
Never regret?
It'll all come together in the end.
We'll see, right?

I miss ~~Louisiana~~...home.
I'll see you soon.
I love you too.
Get some sleep.
Goodnite then.

(silence falls upon silence.)

...and send some hands.

2004-11-16T22:26:00.000-05:00

I feel awful...not because I did anything wrong, but because I finally caught that sickness that's been in the air. My entire head, neck, shoulders and upper back feels like lead, and the tissue is jonesin' for some massage therapy. I had to call out of iShipping this morning, then I went back to bed, and then I woke up, and then I felt fine, and then I went outside, and then I bought cigarettes instead of cold medicine, and now I feel awful again.
Yeah, I know, I'm a dumbass: it's not like my throat will even allow smoke into my lungs...but I thought I was feeling fine when I bought them, like it was just some 24 hour bug I had going on. Yeah, I know, I'm a dumbass: I should've just got the 'Tussin.
I forgot how nice it is to sleep in the daytime. I'm sure after my time is served with the iShip, I'll be doing plenty of that for a few weeks?...hopefully not months.
So my heater stopped working again. Sucks. It was just fixed. I think that's why I had the worst sleep of my life last nite: cold air + sickly body = stiff lead girl.
I want a back rub soooo badly. I'd slit throats for some magic hands and oil. And someone to pop my back and re-align my spine would be greaaaaate, mkay? Any takers? C'mon. No? Yeah, screw you, too.

On a side note: I finished a painting last nite. It's done in my signature style: square canvas, simple monochromatic color palette, gouche, clean layout, odd subject...very graphic design-ish. Would anyone ever consider buying it? Probably not, unless they were nuts like most art critics and buyers are, but I'm sure it'd make for an interesting observation piece if someone were to ever visit and see it in my apartment.
Katherine said that she should be a baker, and that I should be a painter. Open a shop. Pasteries and paintings. She and Alfred would own the joint; I'd hang my shit, work for her and sell desserts, and occasionally earn a little pocket cash if someone was dumb-nuts enough to buy the art. We'd be great, too. Nice concept.
I think Ryan was right when he said that I was displaying bitterness during First Friday way back when we went. Yeah, I am bitter at the fact that I'm not showcasing my work...not that I have any, but if I did. I've always wanted to be an artist, in the traditional sense. I mean, I may be a graphic designer, but they come a dime a dozen, and only 2% of graphic designers have recognizeable names and work that can seriously be considered art.
Why would anyone want to be an artist? I don't know. I guess in my case, me not being able to ever really verbally say what I think, or feel, is why I choose a visual language, be it painting, design, or photography. Ask me about my art work: I wouldn't know what to say about it. Make your own interpretations. They say I'm a mystery. I say they're right. And I wish I could solve myself.

The offer still stands to be my masseur...or masseuse; I believe in equal opportunity.

seeing that familiar face.

2004-11-14T19:57:00.000-05:00

When I woke up this morning, I had barely been up an hour, and I was downstairs checking my email as normal. Someone knocked on my door, and I'm thinking, "Dude, I'm not even dressed, much less dressed enough to answer the door...and I seriously hope it's not my landlord." After the second knock, I decide I'd better just answer it. It was Felicia! What a surprise, seeing as how no one other than Alison visits me, and she always lets me know when she's coming over.
So she had to go to Pearl to get some model building supplies, and she decided she stop by and see if I wanted to go to lunch. It was 10:45 when she showed up, so we went to breakfast. And then we went to Pearl, and I bought a couple of canvases so I could paint.
I came home, and cleaned and did laundry to avoid going to the bookstore to steal design ideas. I eventually went.
And I remembered that he was a handsome boy.

more than she needed.

2004-11-13T20:32:00.000-05:00

So, Alison and I had a good day. We were going to go to King of Prussia so I could go to the Apple Store, but instead, we went to Microcenter in St. David's and hit up their Apple station. I love Microcenter like you wouldn't believe. My original intent was to buy an iTrip type dealy for my car, seeing as how both my cd player and tape deck are busted. And I can't not have decent music when I drive home to visit the parents. That's like a two day drive, and I'd surely go insane from listening to the FM.
Yeah, so I got this item that some random dude was recommending, and he just kept talking to me, and I'm all trying to back away, but he just kept talking, and Alison was totally avoiding the situation altogether, and it was just weird. And then I wanted to see about getting some of those little speakers for my laptop, but the sales guy said that I'd have to get all these other accessories just to hook them up, so in the end, I got the Apple SoundSticks II, with the sweeter than sweet subwoofer. Could I afford what I bought?...no, not really; in fact, not at all. But as Alison suggested, I'll just think of my purchases as an early christmas present for myself. And yeah, I might be a little late on paying my phone bill this month...and I most likely won't be buying anything for myself in quite the while.
Oh, we went and saw The Incredibles in Manayunk. That theatre is heinous, but it's always convienent when there's a diner less than twenty feet away...a diner that serves alcohol, no less, but today was no day for alcohol...I normally save that for the sabbath, if ever. The movie was so awesomely done, and they had a good cast of voices. I was sitting there trying to figure out where I heard one of the voices, and I eventually realized that it was Jason Lee...whom I've always thought was sexy, especially in Mallrats. Oh, and of course it's always better seeing the new Star Wars trailer on the big screen, rather than on a computer screen.

Ha, my neighbor's dog is fucking going nuts because of the subwoofer, but it's okay, cause I can't hear that little bastard barking over the music.

living like she's old.

2004-11-13T07:47:00.000-05:00

I went to bed last nite at 8:30 pm. I was in the middle of watching Emeril Live but then I decided that his Thanksgiving dinner wasn't exactly that enthralling...any other episode, I would've watched the entire hour.
So I went to bed, and passed right out. I woke up, and when I looked at the clock, it was 4:20 am. Now, normally when that happens, I'll take it as a sign from Jerry Garcia and have a wake 'n bake session. But since I'm currently not getting stoned, I just layed in bed.
I got up at 5:30ish, just so I would stop thinking. I'd like to go back to bed, but I already got 8 hours of sleep, and I already had two cups of coffee. I'd better just go take a shower, cause I gotta move my car for street cleaning today, and I'm hanging out with Alison...and I wouldn't feel right if I stood her up for sleep because that's just bummy. Besides, she doesn't know this yet, but I'm dragging her to a bookstore so we can research some ideas for the iShip project that was given to me. I can't be mediocre, not for a real client...because if I am, then they'll do the design and I'll do the grudge work. And since they gave me this opportunity, I need to prove to myself that I got my degree for a reason. Plus, a real world portfolio piece would be sweet to boot.
I haven't been up this early in ages. I feel like I'm seventy years old: up at the ass crack of dawn.

cable bones.

2004-11-10T20:06:00.000-05:00

cable_bones
Originally uploaded by cheersfortrout.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling particularly blue, I go up to the roof of the Trin and lay on back in the cold nite air, and smoke cigarettes. I always stare up at my neighbor's cable apparatus, the one that Tonie swears he can easily rig to my television, and I just...stare at it. It reminds me of fish bones. And sometimes, I like to pretend that if my life were within a futuristic sci-fi novel, that these bones would signify the death of the 21st century.

The nite of the eclipse was a good nite to feel blue, and to pretend I was in a Kurt Vonnegut book.

the holly days.

2004-11-10T19:17:00.000-05:00

Retraction: Patrick will not be accompanying Billie to Luzianna. Sweet...he made me cry back in May, and I'm glad to know that he won't be making me feel like an asshole for a second time.

Today was crazy busy. And I am crazy tired.